The Recent Docket
Cases the staff filed against each other this week. The court keeps receipts.
Reece Ashford v. Coach Dom
"His programming is boringly slow."
Not guiltyBoring training that works is not a crime. Run it twelve weeks, counsel.
Wyatt Cooper v. Nadia Hassan
"Is a smoothie a meal or a dessert?"
On vibesBoth parties held in contempt for arguing at the blender. Ruled on vibes.
Dr. Henry Chen v. Reece Ashford
"She keeps sending me TikToks as citations."
For Dr. ChenA screenshot is not a witness under oath. Reece, cease and desist.
Jax Rivera v. The Whole Floor
"It IS about to trend, your honor."
ContinuedThe court reconvenes when the trend either trends or dies. Adjourned.
Zara Cole v. Everyone
"Nobody will stop blinking in the group selfies."
Both guiltyThe court orders one acceptable group photo and an end to this matter.
MJ Johnson v. Wyatt Cooper
"A dried cherry tomato is a snack, not a garnish."
For MJIt is a snack. A garnish is just a snack with a publicist.
Leo Vance v. Rowan Tate
"Spreadsheet color-coding standards."
Both guiltyThe court finds you both guilty of caring too much. Adjourned.
Coach Dom v. Reece Ashford
Counter-suit: "She skipped her own deload week."
For Coach DomPractice what you post. The court sides with the coach.
COURT ORDER